{"id":3789,"date":"2023-01-17T05:00:13","date_gmt":"2023-01-17T05:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/1finance.co.in\/magazine\/?post_type=blog&p=3789"},"modified":"2023-01-17T05:00:13","modified_gmt":"2023-01-17T05:00:13","slug":"navigating-money-matters-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/website-frontend-qa.1finance.co.in\/1f-dashboard\/blog\/navigating-money-matters-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Navigating Money Matters in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cIn our home, all talk begins and ends with money,\u201d Sarita complains to a concerned neighbour in Anurag Kashyap\u2019s 2020 film <\/span>Choked: Paisa Bolta Hai<\/span><\/i>. A bank teller by day, Sarita\u2019s (Saiyami Kher) main bane is her husband Sushant (Roshan Mathew), a man who could be a musician but coasts through life (and mountains of debt) by surfing the gig economy. Their marriage \u2014 a love match, not an arranged one \u2014 is at breaking point. \u201cWe can\u2019t live this mediocre life forever, can we?\u201d she asks.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In <\/span>Choked <\/span><\/i>\u2014 as in countless other family and romantic dramas \u2014 ambition and circumstance collide, rocking a relationship to its core due to economic turmoil. In everything from <\/span>Pride and Prejudice<\/span><\/i> to <\/span>Bad Sisters<\/span><\/i>, people have been leaving their partners, children and families in the financial lurch for centuries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But this is real life. There are likely no wads of currency notes stuffed up your kitchen drainpipe to save your marriage; no rich dying dowager aunt ready to bequeath to you her estate in some last-minute, coincidental rescue operation. Instead, you and your partner (prospective or otherwise) are living through a world beset by a pandemic, a global recession, and an impending apocalypse. It\u2019s not pretty.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At 1.1%, India has one of the lowest divorce rates in the world, according to a UN report released in 2019 \u2014\u00a0but also, the number of divorcees has doubled over the past two decades, especially in urban areas. In comparison, in the US, financial trouble is <\/span>reportedly<\/span><\/a> one of the leading causes of divorce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It goes without saying that there\u2019s a clear link between financial dependence and longevity of marriages, and the highly popular Belgian-American psychotherapist Esther Perel provides some historical context: \u201cMarriage has always been an economic enterprise, an alliance of families, land, resources, and wealth,\u201d she <\/span>writes<\/span><\/a>. \u201cLove, and certainly sex, didn\u2019t enter the equation until the late-eighteenth century. And in the Western world gender equality didn\u2019t come into play until the 1970s.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

To be sure, a lot has changed. In 2022, no urban, young person with access to a 3G network needs pop culture to understand one universal truth: A single (wo)man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of\u2026 a partner who can contribute to the household, harbour similar life goals and dreams, and split the difference. The trouble often starts when this self-awareness isn\u2019t acted upon in a timely manner: When we don\u2019t discuss splitting the bill on the first date; when we don\u2019t talk about how we\u2019re sharing the rent before we move in; when we don\u2019t set and share our life goals (children, world travel, or both) with our partners.<\/span><\/p>\n

Talking about money is tricky in itself because, as Perel observes, \u201cmoney is never just about money. […] Money is about status, access, comfort, freedom, interdependence, trust, loyalty, betrayal, fairness, and more.\u201d She also notes that our response to money and money matters draws from how we\u2019ve been raised and how we\u2019ve raised ourselves. \u201cMoney is tied to our sense of self-worth and our feelings of power and powerlessness.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a relationship, this can also mean either ego wars or an imbalance when it comes to who has a say in how the household spends. \u201cWhy is it all so heavy?\u201d asks Perel. \u201cBecause we equate money with love. We withhold money as punishment. We enforce compliance through money. We live with the belief that we could always be making more and that having more is better.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In a way, navigating finances in a relationship depends to a large extent on the health of our personal equation with money itself. Personal financial literacy aside, the general wisdom is to be transparent about your credit status (share that ITR acknowledgement!), work towards some common goals (set up a recurring deposit for that trip to Bali!), and understand your partner\u2019s perspective (they can\u2019t digest your 26th pair of Nikes because they couldn\u2019t afford any growing up!). As in other walks of life, compassion and empathy might be all you need to stay afloat, in every sense of the word.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or, as Perel advises, for these extraordinary times: \u201cPlan instead of panic.\u201d After all, \u201cfinancial plans are also emotional plans.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Nidhi Gupta is a freelance writer and editor based in Mumbai.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIn our home, all talk begins and ends with money,\u201d Sarita complains to a concerned neighbour in Anurag Kashyap\u2019s 2020 film Choked: Paisa Bolta Hai. 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